Football, or soccer, is a simple game. It requires very little in the way of practical resources. Markers for a goal, a ball-shaped object. This simplicity enables the sport to be undertaken almost anywhere. Yet the beach is one place the game requires a substantial rethink in approach and participation. The best players do not necessarily make the best beach soccer players. For many Australians, the coastal edge of their continent is more than a key location for leisure and pleasure. The beach is an integral part of their culture, a symbol of their egalitarian nature, with a history of iconic sporting competitions, including the Sydney 2000 Olympics beach volleyball. Where beach soccer draws on notions of literal and figurative level-playing fields, this paper examines histories, practices, and myths and offers the first academic insight and discussion of Australian beach soccer.